Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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