she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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