Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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