I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I cut my penus on the lid.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
