What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
