Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
