I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
