4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
