My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
