YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
