The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
