I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
