I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
