Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Your mouth is God's brothel.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
