i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
