Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
