my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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