Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
