were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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