the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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