Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
