So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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