You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
