That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
tell me about the eggs
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
