it hurts more in the daytime
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
