I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
