Ambien. No doubt about it.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you will always have a special place in my vag
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
