I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
