Your mouth is God's brothel.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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