He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
