Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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