I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
