i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We left an ass print on the piano.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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