I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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