great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
