i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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