She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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