Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
