come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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