my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
As shirtless as possible
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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