I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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