The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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