i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
