I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
