when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
