White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
