this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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