I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
