So drunk its hurt
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
