But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
There's always time for handjobs
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
